Welcome

I have been writing a blog about my life here in Finnish for over a month now, telling the truth, telling how my personal life has been here. Because it has been terrible, it has caused generalized anxiety disorder, it has caused me to self harm myself and it has almost killed me by suicide. But I'm still here and I want to tell my story.

But the most important thing for me is that I love living here. Otherwise I would have never survived. I love the nature, I love how friendly the people are, I know how much more easygoing person I am here. I might lock myself in because of the anxiety, but when I get out, I love watching the same trees on my way to the shops, I love spotting new flowers, follow the birds, smile at the monkeys and greet the people.

Mamuka sei?
Tamuka, Mamuka sei?
Tamukabhoo

or

Maswera sei?
Taswera, maswera sei?
Taswera.

Or

Ndeipi?

Zviri sei sei?

Muribhoo?


Yes, ndiribhoo. Arisei murume wako? Aribhoo.

Mushe mushe.

Kurisei kumba? Kurinani.


I love the smell of the savannah blowing in from the half opened window. I love my Zimbabwean rescue cat, who happily sleeps now on top of the ward robe on the winter blanket.

All this love has kept me sane. Things have been tight, very tight, and I am going to tell you all. I have been handcuffed on Friday evening at a park, I have stared the moon when someone who you have loved at the moment has entered you. The time you gave up on having a marriage, because your husband just keeps of having his girlfriend living in our house in Tafara, letting her abort their babies when being about 7 months pregnant (abortion is illegal here so you can only turn on witch doctors), all these I heard, I knew, and I let it all get too much in me. Then I took the rat poison, survived, and decided that I can live then too, I don't need to care whether I am married or not as the so-called husband didn't care about that either. But I have been much more careful than him. He knows nothing about what I've been doing. But the little birds are chirping in Shona what he was doing and you know what, I also have brain and I can think. Fooling me can be hard and he failed it.

But this is how we can start our story.